MUCH BETTER FOR BOTH OF YOU on the redirect. And not bad on your first go either.
The second take you were setting up the scene ie. the black everywhere, maybe some grunge posters on the walls – not where you would expect Rowen would be living. So well-done by creating the atmosphere. It helped the scene.
Stef – you need to go bigger. What I mean by that is that your delivery is a little flat. Vary your expressions, mannerisms, and how you say your dialogue. Tap into your first crush. What was that like for you? I’d imagine you’d be a little nervous. You LIKE Jeremy. You may not be sure to what extent, but you genuinely like him. And as for characterization – remember Rowen is a PLAIN JANE. She doesn’t have a whole lot of experience with guys. So try to find some moments of getting flustered while alone in your room, with a guy you like.
What I am getting in Stef. You are still holding back. Bring your energy UP, like way up, especially when you’re talking about The Secret. You’re really into it and Jeremy is listening, which makes her more at ease sharing it with him. In general, the pacing needs to pick up. This is comedy – well this scene is more dramedy – but the pacing needs to move a little quicker.
Now Tyler – nice job, nice adjustments. But you too can go further. You really like this girl. You have since you first met her at auditions. Jeremy is a GEM of a guy but he doesn’t get the attention that Grady does. He’s sincere, and sweet and he’s a little nervous too. And that end line of his – about liking brains (which was something she confided in him while drunk at the party the night before) Her Dad nicknamed her “My little Brain.” He can tell it bothers her. Like nobody really sees her. But Jeremy does and he is the ONLY person who has ever made her feel special. This has the makings of a romantic connection, but it’s too early. Still I want to see the sincerity, the humor, the connection, and the safety Rowen feels opening up to him. What I’m missing is that “IT” factor. Try to find the chemistry in the eye-contact. Use the page as little as possible and focus on EACH OTHER!
Make sense? But over all, SWEET, ENDEARING scene!